Yes it is that time once again. Jack came to pick up the kids today at noon, and he will have them until Wednesday before he goes to work.
As much as I love mom time; my time, I miss the kids while they are gone. I also know it is equally important for us to have a break from one another and also they need that time with their dad.
Don’t go thinking this mom goes all crazy while her kids are away. What’s mom time? It’s certainly not going out and partying, going on a shopping spree or even going on a date. Mom time is catching up on housework (it’s truly amazing how the house stays clean while the kids are away), doing the yard work, going to get groceries, looking through the bills I can’t pay but somehow figure out how to keep it all going.
It’s 12:44 am and where am I? Out on my front porch listening to the crickets, a few dogs barking off in the distance. A train will probably come through in the next twenty minutes. I have citronella burning in a table top torch giving me an ambiance. I’m enjoying a cigarette, a cup of coffee and writing.
Some nights I will read. Other times I will go for a walk, do some photography, watch a movie. Sometimes I might go hang out with friends.
I do the same thing I do when the kids are here. I just don’t get interrupted. I crank up my music when I start to clean. I will also sing and dance to the music. I did the same thing when Jack and I were together. But he was never home.
I didn’t get these breaks while married to Jack. Honestly I didn’t know what a break was until he left. I’m a homebody a majority of the time. He would encourage me to go out. He didn’t understand me. I needed me time, I didn’t need to go out. Can’t I just go sit out on the deck for the evening and no one come outside to bug me? Can’t I just go to the bedroom and get enthralled in a book and not hear MOM!!! No? ok. And he wonders why I was bitchy all the time. Hellu your off doing all the things you like to do by yourself, I just want me time, at home. Y’all don’t have to leave but just leave me alone for 2 hours. Apparently, the me time I wanted was selfish, his me time wasn’t.
It’s amazing the simple things that rejuvenate me. Even a simple nap rejuvenates me. I can go full throttle for awhile, but then I need some down time, some solitude.
My work days are hectic. I am on the go from the time I get into work until lunch time. Sometimes I will go out with co workers for lunch other times I just need to go and find a nice quiet spot. Then we are on the go once we are back from lunch until it’s time to go home. That was the frustrating part for me when jack and I were together. I knew his job was hectic with him being a cop. He didn’t believe my job was hectic. He thought I had a nice cushy job. I don’t do nice and cushy. When I switched jobs last years my job got even more hectic. I go right out straight all day long. I absolutely LOVE it.
By the time I get home I am exhausted. Once I am home I am off to my other responsibility; mom. It doesn’t stop until I go to bed around 9. Now that the kids are older they understand mom needs some down time when she gets home. Give me 20 minutes to just chill out and then I will make supper, and then we can go out into the yard and play soccer, throw the baseball around, take the dogs for a walk, paint our nails (my daughter), play a game or something.
The stress of the divorce, and not having the financial help I need from the kids dad is also exhausting. 500.00 a month is all he is willing to give in financial support until the divorce is settled. About 60% less than what he should be paying.
So mom time now for me is really important. Sometimes the time is not always constructive, most of the time it is. But it’s MY TIME.